24-year-old boyfriend of 2 years leaves his girlfriend with their sick cats and flies off to hang out with his friends without saying a word, now she's considering breaking up and taking the cats with her

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Aug 26, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

One of the nice things about adopting a cat as a couple is… well, being able to take care of it together. You cuddle the cat together, you nag the cat together, you take pictures of each other with the cat. It's one of the most wholesome feelings in the world. And of course, you also share the hardships together. You take the cat to the vet together, you get good (and bad) news together, and you help each other deal. That's your child, in a way, and as you would with any other member of the family, you don't just abandon your partner when that family member is in need of help. It's that simple. Except apparently not. 

Instead of being by his girlfriend's side when their cat got sick, this boyfriend of two years, who made it clear that he is intending to marry this girl, hopped on a plane and left her to deal with all the hardship on her own. And we stand with the comments - leave him, take the cats. 

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  • 01

    "My boyfriend (24M) left me (25F) with sick cats and drove away. Is my reaction normal?"

    picture of a side profile of a cat
    via Unsplash / Nadin Thirteen

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • 02
    My boyfriend (24M) and I (25F) have been dating for two years. He had planned to propose after three :) At the beginning of our relationship, he had a cat (who I'll call S). This year, in early June, we adopted a second cat, A (he initiated adoption, "I want a second cat", but I handled all the paperwork).
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  • 03
    We were invited by mutual friends to a wedding in another city on a Saturday afternoon. On Thursday, our "old" cat, S, went to the litter box with bld. There was a lot of bl d, and it stained the floors in other rooms. It was evening, and I was very worried, so I started texting and calling our veterinarians (knowing they usually don't respond at night).
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  • 04
    On Friday morning, I woke up for work and my boyfriend was gone. He had flown off to see friends. The next week was like a demo version of parenthood for me, but with sick cats. Instead of lunch at work, I dragged both cats (15.5 kg total in carriers) to the vet, dragged S again to vet after work, and gave cats medicine with a syringe.
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  • 05
    I didn't communicate with BF, but I sent him vet bills, and he covered half the costs. He didn't ask if it was difficult for me, or apologize for leaving. On Friday morning, he posted a photo of himself flying in business class with champagne and crab, and later went out for cognac. On Saturday, he went to the wedding.
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  • 06
    On Sunday, I told him that it wasn't normal to fly away while our cat was sick and blading. The main takeaways from our conversations were: "Marriage is very important, and it happens only once in a lifetime," "If the cats had been really seriously ill, I would have come back," and "I don't understand why that kind of support is necessary." I had dreamed of marrying him.
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  • 07
    I've even invested in his apartment (we live in his place, and our incomes are equal). After that situation, I completely stopped seeing him as husband material. The situation is compounded by the fact that we haven't had regular S s in a year. He refuses to see a doctor and doesn't want to take the vitamins he was prescribed. He's okay with s once every 1-3 months, but I need it once or twice a week.
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  • 08
    I was a v rg n before him, so I didn't really consider my libido beforehand. I've tried wearing lingerie, seduce him, changed the environment, took household chores off his plate, and asked to try different positions. Nothing has changed.
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  • 09
    Constant rejections ("I'm ticklish," ignoring me, pushing my hands away) have destroyed my self-esteem. He explains the lack of regulars and the cat situation by saying that he's felt bad for the past two weeks and doesn't find pleasure or meaning in anything. However, he refuses to see a therapist or any other doctor.
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  • 10
    Right now, he's away, attending parties and swimming in the sea. I'm considering breaking up and want to take A with me. I don't know if this is the right decision. We understand each other and care about each other. He even introduced me to his family and met my parents right before the cat situation. Am I going too far?
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  • 11
    picture of a senior cat
    via Unsplash / Nadin Thirteen

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • It's amazing how things seem to be able to just switch up - just like that - with couples. And you may say that there were signs that he was not in the best place, but one thing does not relate to the other. Having a lower drive does not forewarn your partner that you're going to abandon them in a time of need with your pets. 

  • 12
    redplaidpurpleplaid So he knew that his cat was having a medical emergency, and flew away without telling you, leaving you alone to take care of it? Expect that to be your experience again and again if you marry him. Neglecting your sual needs is just the icing on this terrible cake. You said you "care about each other" but this is not the behaviour of a man who cares about you. So he left on a Friday, visited friends for a week, the wedding was on the following Saturday, and now it's Thursday,
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  • 13
    When's he coming back? I wish there were some way for you to move out now, and take the cats with you, and be gone when he gets back. When he gets back, he might want S back, but if it were me, I would say "You abandoned S when she was having a medical emergency, so she is not safe with you, I am keeping her."
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  • 14
    However, I think there might be some legal consequences if you just leave, I don't know whether it will cause problems for you if you want to pursue a division of property because it was a common law marriage. (Or was it? How long have you been living together, and what is the length of time for common law where you live? Might want to speak to a lawyer, I think there are legal advice subs on Reddit as well where you could get some preliminary answers)
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  • 15
    I know this will be hard for you while you are in the middle of the pain and confusion of this, but the best thing for you to do is have nerves of steel, be as unemotional as you can when you communicate with him next. You're done with him. He's essentially declared the relationship over through his behaviour, and you're just following through. You'll have plenty of time to process the pain and grief afterwards once you make the break. If he says he'll change, don't fall for it. He can change on
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  • 16
    AppropriatePainter47 OP Thank you! We weren't married, but we were living together. Basically, I can't take anything except what I own on paper and is registered in my name. I've been thinking about taking both cats, but it would be challenging. Cat A is registered in my name, and I'm listed as the owner in its veterinary passport. But S is not. BF used to tell me, "If we break up, S stays with me, because he's my cat." I'm worried about S. If he stays with him and gets sick again, what will hap
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  • 17
    I'm already looking for a place to rent, but it's difficult even with just one cat. BF is coming back next week, and I want to tell him my decision in person and move out quickly. What's confusing is that he doesn't seem to grasp what's happening, and he's texting me as if nothing is wrong. It feels like I'm going to break his heart, and I feel pity and guilt.
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  • 18
    picture of an old cat in a bed with a blue pillow
    via Unsplash / Nadin Thirteen

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • Saying that you are better off without him is the easiest thing in the world - because it is true. We're sorry. We're sure that after two years this is something that hurts a lot. But it's better now than later. And we hope you manage to find a good solution for the cats along the process. 

  • 19
    Big_Year_526 Wow, way to bury the lede! So this guy is irresponsible, won't get medical or mental health attention that he needs, doesn't want to have s with you, has destroyed your self esteem, and it took him running off without any communication and leaving you alone to look after your sick pets while he was partying for you to see this guy as the garbage he is?
    via AppropriatePainter47
  • 20
    AppropriatePainter47 OP He's my first serious boyfriend. At the beginning, everything was perfect. We had frequent s‚ went on dates, he cooked for me, gave me gifts, etc. I think he still cares about me, cause he writes that he loves me. But after this pet situation, I'm not so sure about this I don't have much experience in relationships...
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  • 21
    AppropriatePainter47 OP I reread your message a couple times now I feel really stupid x_x
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  • 22
    Careful-Potato-4706 Don't feel stupid. He's manipulated you into believing he's a good person coz he was nice to you. And when you say you've "invested in his apartment” ... don't tell me you're paying towards the mortgage?
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  • 23
    AppropriatePainter47 OP I invested in a mortgage, yes... I also bought tech for the house :") for example, a robot vacuum cleaner or an air conditioner
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boyfriend cat abandoned flight girlfriend wedding sick breakup Cats
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